PORTRAIT OF MY GIRL -
REMINGTON IN
"EMOTIONS ALL ENCOMPASSING"
PART 10 - THE FINAL CHAPTER /
I WON'T LOSE CONTROL THIS TIME /
GENTLY BOY, GENTLY...

i have so much to say but i don't know where to begin . i wrote an essay
but deleted it for a long paragraph . this is remington, the girl i was most
in love w/ in my life . the craziest thing in all of this is to realize that when
it's done, time just keeps going, and we both somehow keep living . i can't
believe i got caught up in the romance like this, i introduced remington to
everyone that is anyone to me . both sides of my family, all my best friends,
mother's day, easter, parent's anniversary, family reunion, our birthday's etc .
for a minute i thought she might have been the "one", it's funny to think back
on that now . but i'm starting to learn that that is SO me . i have never really
cared about my future, all i have put in importance in front of me is experiences
and love . to be in love is opening yourself up to the greatest... the greatest
happiness, sadness, excitement, and betrayal - the heavenly highs and bottomless
pit lows - i asked my friends, "would you date a girl who lives an hour away in traffic
and has no car (remington) ?" they all said no but they aren't on my level, my love
level . i spent over a thousand dollars on ubers and countless hours driving but
i don't give a shit . it's like, if you're in love and it lasts forever, then wow you
are the luckiest person in the world and good for you . if it doesn't, then you are
basically enjoying the passing of time while a freight train of depression is heading
towards you to obliterate at any given moment, and i've had this twice now (dee
and remington) ! her whole life is gonna change when she signs her record
contract, and she'll start dating some hot buff model guy and have memories and
times of their own . and that can be the hardest part to cope w/ but i am ok w/ that,
because you know what ? she rode a razor scooter down a hill w/ me over and
over till she fell and scrapped her whole right side up, she showed the dj my phone
asking him to play young thug for me (all pictured above), she sang that horrible
song,"rude" by magic to me and i actually enjoyed it ! now i hear it and i wanna
smash my radio ! we just had so much together, no one can touch that . i don't
think she or i will ever have this dynamic again because when i look back at it,
we were just old KIDS in love, it was so beautiful . but as we both get older, the
pressures of being an adult come scratching at your door, i can't work all day
and make money to just spend it all on a girl, we can't just take days off to go
places we please, it can't be like that forever . this was the last of that youthful
"who cares we have eachother" kind of love . i hope i'm not coming off like some
reminiscent lunatic but if you understand madthirsty then you know this is my
journal . i used to have a a journal that i would write in but fuck that madthirsty
is perfect . it tells the whole story without words and you all get to live it . click
on the bottom posts, i was 17 years old and so different, lived a completely
different life . you get to see me grow, change, love, you see everyone come in
and out of my life . without sounding like an asshole i think this is one of the best
blogs ever . this is me celebrating and closing out my best lovestory so far <3
and i just want u 2 feel me on it :) :) this isn't some emotional thing to get us
back together, because i don't want that and i'll never want that . but i think if
doctor emmet brown rolled up on me right now w/ his rigged DeLorean and said,
"new years eve 2013 you ready ?!" i would just look at him for 3 seconds
and reply, "shotgun" ;) and if that happened, i'll change it all, i would take her
and i would get her on a slow boat to china, all to myself, in my arms.... alone .

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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